Holocaust

fuck poetry

fuck anything that means something to me.

fuck love you and my dog missy

fuck every motherfucking body



breathing is now a challenge I'm not sure I can conquer

believing is completely overrated

Seeing causes me to wonder

Why I thought we should have ever dated



And even in my confusion

I miss the fuck out of you

to the point that i can't breathe

I just wanted you to love me



And like the others, you found that too hard to do

And then you don't want me to take it personally

Well fuck the dry cleaners

and fuck taxi cabs

fuck anything that ever had to do with your ass



Cuz I'd rather say fuck you

than you hurt me

And I'd rather by angry with you

than say 'why don't you love me'



So i breathe and cry with concentrated strength

Cuz you've taken everything else i had left

What it's Like

So this is what love feels like
A missing of a heartbeat
A catching of the breath
A stomping on a dream
A killing of what's left

All that glitters
Can't possibly be good for you
Or there'd be gold specks
Caught in your tooth

This gut churning
Gaseous secretion
of noxious fumes
Internally ripping me a new one

Oh how I miss it so.

My Muse-ic

Thank you for giving me back my music

Through you I can hear the symphony of life again

I hope now I am finally worthy enough to use it

I hope I see beginnings now instead of ends

Your voice speaks to me like

lyrical epiphonies that I

sit and day dream to the tune of

Like Smokey Joe's Cafe

The vibratto of your intake

Takes my breath away

And I can feel the ripples of your soul music

Down to the core of my life's score

You give new meaning

to the word inspiration

And I am humbled by your sonata

I hope this

becomes the very best Opus

That my tongue ever recites

Give me

a chance to sing your glory

through soulful chants of the heart

You transcend any category

It may not be what you want to hear, but it's a start

Grey

When we first met, I thought you were the most beautiful shade of grey I had ever seen.
I mean, you were the perfect proportion of black to white

Of day to night
Of blind to sight
Of wrong to right

And I just wanted to be a single pixelation in your makeup
But little did I know how easily thrown off you would be
Before you threw off me
And made your grey retreat.

See I see you in color and you saw me as imperfect.
A reflex I had thought to help you grow out of
But despite my best efforts, the fight ended with me hurt
And you moving on

And now your grey is covered in shades of delicate pastels and hues
that turn me green cuz i was supposed to be that person
and you are trying to develop another me
And it hurts in a way that I never expected it to

She isn't supposed to have the same thing as me cuz
we transcend mere conversation
You are part of me as I am in you
And none of the parts I own want her anywhere near them

You can live, love, laugh with anyone
But don't go selling my pieces too
Cuz I need you to need only me for certain things
I need others to fall short every damn time

Cuz no one can else can see you in all that matter
besides me

Stress

I really don't think you even get it. I don't think you understand the depths of my soul that I've offered you in the past 2/3 months. Nothing has been as hard as these months have been.

From the first day of you dating you have asked me to help dress you, direct you, give you advice, be there, listen. And I have, even when it hurt and twisted my gut to pieces and i was getting physically sick.

And when you were feeling awkward and guilty, I had to up it even more to assure you that I was or would be ok and you could go and do you with my blessing. I actually had to say the words ' i give you my blessing to go and fuck other people'.

I have been your friend, ur fucking best friend, with a mother fucking smile on my face.

Yet you keep asking me for more.

Do you want to know why I never cooked for you, matched wits with you, wore my best clothes, best makeup, best smile?

Becuz then I would have hoped. I would be out there like a damn fool, trying to impress you for no better reason than the possibility that one day years from now, you might look at me and go damn, i never realized what i had.

You've been trying to have your cake and fucking eat it too since day one. No, u don't get the femme fatale package cuz you signed up for the kmart clearance.

What you don't even get is that I wanted to. I wanted to offer you everything, even when i truly believed that there would never be any possibilities, i still wanted to offer myself. You think I don't know you well enough to read your signs? To know when a hug would be the perfect thing? or when you are being flirty, how to flirt back? or dress and walk and speak in just the right way that does it for you every time?

I fell on day 14, maybe. I've always been where u didn't want me. The problem was that you were fucking blurring every damn line and breaking every rule we were supposed to be keeping. I wouldn't let you because I knew you wouldn't be truly happy.

You FUCKING TOLD ME THAT YOU WOULD BE WITH ME BUT YOU KNOW YOU'D END UP CHEATING ON ME... REPEATEDLY!!!

Do you know what it feels like to hear every i love you taken back or to be told that u wouldn't be enough to keep someone faithful? fuck, don't you even see outside of your own wants?

you have been nothing but selfish for the past couple of months. i'll give you confused in the beginning. guilty. but you haven't even scratched the surface. you kept asking me if 'we were ok' and i'd say yes, cuz u wanted me to say yes, u needed me to say yes. but knowing who i've been for the past 8 months, y the fuck would u believe that?

i'm mostly ok. i'm ok with u dating, i'm ok with you fucking. what's hurting is the small shit in between.

you keep lying to me. Cid, i'm not going down on these hoes and even if i do, i'll be safe! yet, there u were with seran wrap on ur face.. (ewww)

Cid, i would only use a strap with a g/f or with you because we have a connection. yet there you were talking about how u want to get a strap. don't u get that cheapens it fucking all? this sacred, intimate thing that u were so adamant about all of a sudden can become just a part of fucking with the first person you start dating physically. wow, how special...

then i start setting up dates and you get jealous! no u don't get to have the best of me so that we can have better sex! FUCK YOU! Fuck you with a fucking dick in your mouth

Sick and Tired...

Recent turns in my life have been, literally, making me sick. I lie to make you believe that I am ok. Hopefully, I can make myself fall for the same line.

Everytime we speak I am brought to my knees in discomfort. It creates physical hurt in exchange for mental instability.

The depths of my anguish is definitely new to me. I need a break before I break...

I need to breathe before it no longer becomes necessary to do so.

If being driven crazy was a food item, my cart, as well as my stomach, would be full.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!